Wednesday, February 9, 2011

learning what I need and reading the Scriptures

I have always struggled with staying consistent with reading the scriptures... and not just reading my taking it in and learning and listening with my heart. I am awful about letting my mind wander as I read and anticipating the end on the chapter(s) so I can be done.
I know, awful right? I don't want to be like that. I feel like I always need the lessons that the scriptures and the Ensign contain. I really need them lately. I was talking to Ryan about our situation (living with his parents for the past almost 8 months) and while a lot has happened and we are now seeing the blessings of not having been able to leave yet it is still very hard to not be frustrated with the process. Patience. AAAHHH patience. That is for sure one thing I am always going to have to be taught and reminded that I need. I digress. Ryan and I were talking about when the time comes and our situation lines up so we can move on our own again it is then that we will know where we are to look, go, find etc... because it hasn't been determined yet. He made the point that it may depend on us and how we have prepared spiritually as well as physically and financially. We are both trying harder to focus on the basics and I know that I really need a better relationship with my Heavenly Father and my Savior. I need to trust and depend on them more for strength when I feel the pressure in life.

It has been one of the many time I know my husband has been inspired as the patriarch of our family. I do not know the specifics, but I do know that hearing we needed to focus and work at being ready for our time was vital to our being able to thrive here and now as well. It hasn't been some great change as of yet on how things happen around here during the day. But there are little things I am doing better and I am feeling more hunger for partaking of the word of God. I also learned that when I am reading and studying and engaged I get a lot from it but once I start to be tired or distracted beyond understanding i need not force it, it is ok to stop and pick up later... I know for myself that I will get more out of it that way. I know my Heavenly Father loves me and I know He knew I needed a little push and and a shove now and then to help me to feel better and Be better. It isn't much yet be I know it can be.

And in the morning I know that I will have comfort and help out of my lulling funk through the atonement of my Savior as I deal with the first anniversary of losing my mom. I am ready to feel better I just realized that this is what has been lurking around for the past couple weeks. I am hoping I can learn to deal with upcoming hard situation in some way other than being less functional in my life.